ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
