the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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