I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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