so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
only if we run a train.
done.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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