I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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