god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
