my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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