In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
