"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
