He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
