I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
