wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
