probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
