I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My ass is underappreciated
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
