Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
