Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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