and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
