my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
