took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize