I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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