i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize