fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
