I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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