My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
whose parrot is this?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
