You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
The uberlube is also flammable
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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