so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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