just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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