So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
