Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize