i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
