i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
pray to the hookup gods
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
