That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize