Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize