HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
