I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
