you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
