i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
