hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize