No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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