there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
