The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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