i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
