I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
