Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Randomize
