So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
