I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
