Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
