I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
