dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize