I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
