May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Come see our sink grown plant.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
