I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize