I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
she told me i tasted like america
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
