you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
we should paint friendship bongs
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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