i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Randomize
