Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
