Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
