Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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