So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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