Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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