The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
