that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
