3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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