Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
