how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize