Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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