i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
