I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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