haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
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