Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
