During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Farmville is her only friend.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Is Oprah even human
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
