Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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