So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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