After last night, I could never be a politician.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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